Dear Julian,
Andrew and I are kind of together again. And this time I love him. Seriously. I'm not all hung up on you anymore. I see you with Carly and I can appreciate the fact that you two are together and that you are cute together even though it won't last once you two go off to college, wherever you go.
I told Andrew about how I was hung up on you. He and I were laying in bed together, clothes on, perfectly appropriate, and he expressed his jealousy over what the two of us had. I guess I didn't hide it as well as I thought.
Andrew is beautiful, and I really do love him. Right now he's kind of bugging me by being in one of his creative moods, though. And I guess that's why I'm writing to you. I'm kind of tired and annoyed and I don't want to express this to Andrew because I don't want to hurt his feelings but I should because I feel like I've been rubbed raw with how much I am disclosing to him. I tell him so much about my day and how I feel and what I feel.
I want him to realize how much I love him and stop pulling back. I want him to man up and date me instead of skirting around excuses. I don't think he realizes that I'm mad at him, I'm not sure. I'm not good at being mad or maybe I am.
I told him about you and I realized that in a way I suppose I am over you. I'll always be attracted to you but no longer do I want to date you right now. I want to be with Andrew, I want to feel him on top of me as he kisses me and maybe does other things.
I wish he and I had dated after I had gotten over you, that this was our first time together. I suppose you ruined that for me.
Anyway, I'm tired and kind of in a bad mood so I guess I should do some homework and get on with my life.
I just wish that some things had transpired differently. I'm glad about where I am; I have a good life and a good future awaiting me, whatever that may be. I hope that is the same for you.
Uncertain About the Future of This Blog,
Me
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